Hakai Maneku No
by Frowny Faced Doom
Summary: Please smile, accept everything. Even if you yearn for a reason, you’ll only grow empty. A ripped open bond, the forest where we always get lost in. Even if you yearn for freedom, you’ll only grow pained.. DeiTobi drabbles. Discontinued
1. Nightmares

**Heheh. This is my all time favorite paring of Naruto (SessInu for Inuyasha) so why not do some short stories on 'em?**

**Chapter One: Nightmares**

Tobi was always grateful for Deidara. Even though Deidara would usually yell at him for one thing or another, he knew that deep down, Deidara did care for Tobi. Though his actions in the daytime did the exact opposite, his actions at night always proved his suspicions correct.

Tobi had nightmares. Ninety percent of the time. He asked Konan about it once, her being the only one next to the multi-mouthed blond that he trusted with such information, and she said it probably had to do with his past. He hated knowing that he had amnesia. It bothered him. Especially when his dreams scared him to death from their extreme vividness, yet he could barely remember them. He always did remember if the dreams had boulders in them though. The blue headed girl considered the thought of Tobi loosing his memory due to the boulders. He would smile at her; somehow Konan had a sixth sense of knowing when Tobi smiled, and would pat his head affectionately before getting up and leaving.

But, whenever these vivid dreams awoken him from his slumber, he would already find Deidara awake, motioning him towards his own bed. Tobi would crawl in next to him, Deidara stroking his spiky black hair all the while, humming a sweet tune that would lull Tobi into a dreamless sleep. And every morning, Deidara would be up before him, and push him off the bed to wake him up. Sometimes, he thought Deidara was insane. But he loved him none-the-less.

He turned his attentions to the blonde's bed. Deidara was already asleep, so Tobi took off his mask quietly and prayed that he wouldn't have to wake up the beautiful blond once again. He _really_ wanted Deidara to sleep well; he noticed the shadows under his eyes recently.

Fifteen minutes later though, Tobi awoke to a whimper. He clamped his mouth shut with his hands, glancing over to see if he woke up Deidara.

He gasped silently. Deidara had been facing him, and the window over Tobi's bed helped him see the older boy's face.

He looked so pretty. The plump tears falling from Deidara's shut eyes glittered from the moonlight, constructing two shiny trails traveling down the blonde's pale face. The blond hair was fanned out around the boy, making him more angelic than he already looked. Though awed by the stunning scene, Tobi couldn't help but notice Deidara's form shuddering. Was he…? Was Deidara crying in his sleep?

Tobi stood silently and crept towards Deidara, kneeling down to get down to the blonde's level. Before waking him up, Tobi kissed away the hot tears. When he pulled back, he saw Deidara's confused and annoyed face.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" He tried to sound irritated, but his voice cracked.

Tobi smiled at him. "Did _you_ have a bad dream?"

Deidara suddenly found the floor interesting, ignoring the question. He didn't want to show weakness in front of Tobi. _H_e was the one who was supposed to kiss away the painful tears.

Tobi just took that as a yes and shoved Deidara to the other side gently. He slipped his form under the covers and pulled Deidara close to his own body. The blond gave in and rested his head under the taller boy's chin. Tobi smiled at this and began to stroke the silky blond hair. Deidara snaked his arms around the smaller frame, pressing their bodies together, feeling the warmth that Tobi felt every night. He had to admit, it was very relaxing.

Tobi started to hum his own tune in hopes of Deidara falling asleep. The blond felt his eyelids droop significantly, and planted a kiss on the crook of Tobi's neck, making the younger boy giggle before humming his tune again.

"Akatsuki members don't giggle." Deidara closed his eyes with the smallest of smirks on his face.

**FLUFF OF DOOOOOM. Lol. I loved doing this. I listened to 'Dear You' (I dunno who wrote it, but it's one of the Higurashi no Naku Koro ni songs.) while listening to this, and the song was screaming fluff. Don't let this fool you. I love blood and gore, so expect such later. Anyway, ****R&R****! (by the way, I'm sorry for not updating Tamed Only By Loneliness, but for some very weird reason, I can barely do long stories. T3T So this is just drabbles or whatever of DeiTobi or TobiDei.**

**-KK**

**(Sorry for the penname change)**


	2. Scared

**Rating: High rated T (not enough to be M)**

_Those eyes…_

"Aww… Sempai. Don't look at me like that."

…e_yes that __**deny**_

Deidara shot a death glare at Tobi, who had just shown his sempai his Sharingan. Why did Tobi have to be an Uchiha? And why was Tobi giving him the same look that Itachi gave him?

_Disrespect for my art._

"You can't be _that_ scared of my eyes…"

Deidara's eyes widened in shock, confusion and anger. "What the hell are-"

Deidara was roughly shoved against the wall, replying the action with a strangled grunt. He stared at Tobi with shock; what the hell was Tobi doing?

He suddenly felt warm breath caress his sensitive neck. "Don't be _scared_, I'll be gentle."

Deidara was dumbfounded. Scared?! He wasn't scared! Why should he be scared of Tobi… the one that agitated a jinchuuriki to the point of chasing him around in a circle?

Tobi pressed his body against Deidara's smaller one, his free hand roaming around his waist. He grinned wickedly when he found his objective. He unhooked Deidara's clay bag from its position on his hip and tossed it carelessly away from them, destroying any chance of Deidara using his bombs.

The blonde struggled underneath Tobi. When the hell did Tobi get this strong?! He really should have taken Tobi up on his little game of arm wrestling.

Tobi, using his free hand, roamed around in his cloak, then pulled out a chakra rope. In a quick movement, he twirled Deidara around, and started to tie the bomber's wrists together. He tied them all the way up to his elbows, and once around his waist, rendering him helpless. The orange masked-nin smiled depravedly, satisfied with his work.

"There we go. Now I can have more _fun_ with you." He gave Deidara a smirk. "And I haven't forgotten; _I will be gentle with you_." He spun Deidara around once again, so the artist could face him. Tobi was mildly shocked, yet amused, at the determination in the blonde's sapphire eyes. The blond brought his head back and lunged towards Tobi's forehead. The taller boy smirked, grabbing the blond hair to restrain his head.

Tobi gave Deidara a quick kiss, watching the blonde's every move. Deidara kept his mouth clamped shut tightly, doing his oh so cute best to make sure Tobi couldn't get an entrance.

This only provoked Tobi.

Pale lips crashed down on strawberry tasting ones. Yum. He forced his probing tongue into the shorter boy's mouth; tasting every corner of it. When he pulled back, he saw Deidara grimacing.

He gave a cute smile. "You're so tense, Sempai." He moved his tongue to the boy's pale neck, moving it teasingly. Deidara shuddered from the unwanted pleasant feelings creeping into him.

"To-" Another warm lick. "-bi!" A soft kiss was planted on his collarbone, which was peeking out from above his shirt..

Gloved hands were everywhere. Sliding up the blonde's soft chest, unzipping pants, stroking tense legs…

Deidara started to panic. No! He would not give in! He would fucking fight until he died!

The blond started to squirm as much as possible, thus, making things difficult. He didn't care that his waist was probably bruised from the tight hold. He didn't care that his hair was being pulled roughly, possibly ripping out some of his blond tresses. He just wanted to run away… from Tobi.

Hair forgotten, Tobi grabbed Deidara's chin, forcing him to look into the crimson eyes of the Sharingan. The artist scowled. What was his plan now?

Wait… they started to change shape. Was he-??!

Suddenly, Deidara started to struggle less, becoming lax in the taller boy's strong grip. His sapphire eyes clouded over and he let his head fall against Tobi's chest.

_Doushite… Tobi?_

Tobi slid Deidara's pants down and did the same with his own. He gently sat Deidara on his hands and knees, though Tobi had to hold the boy's hips to keep him from falling. His free hand slid to Deidara's length.

Tears slid down the blonde's dull eyes.

_Iya… onegai, Tobi. Don't do this to me…_

Deidara finally gave up, allowing Tobi to do whatever he pleased.

"You're going to enjoy this… I promise."

**I keep on making Deidei cry… I'M SORRY DEI!**

**Eff Wai Eye, Tobi used Tsukuyomi on Deidara… or something similar.**

**Uh… sorry, I used some Japanese in there…**

**Iya means no (If I remember correctly)**

**Onegai means please**

**Doushite means why**

**THANK YOU PEOPLE FOR READING, REVIEWING, FAVOURITING and ect ON THIS AND Tamed Only By Lonliness!!!!!!!**

**xD Much obliged.**

**I was listening to 'It's All Over' By Linkin Park for this one.**

**EDIT: I remembered… uhm… The title of this fanfic means: 'Beckon Destruction' Why? I don't know.**


	3. Obsession

**Rating: due to people being squeamish or can't handle character deaths; it's rated M**

**Chapter Three: Obsessions**

That blond hair that draped over broad shoulders. That blond hair that shone in the moonlight. It was just lovely.

When Deidara was asleep, Tobi would run his fingers through the gold tresses. Oh, how silky it felt. It was so soft.

And the scent was oh so alluring. It smelt like… candy. It had quite the sweet sense to it, thus, Tobi calling the scent 'candy.'

"_**Tobi!**_" A cry came out from under the taller boy, reminding him that he had been sitting on said blonde's chest. Tobi looked at him, confused for a moment; he forgot what possessed him to tackle Deidara.

Oh yes… the hair… he wanted it. He _needed_ it... Was this obsession so wrong?

Tobi smiled childishly, running his hand through the blond hair again. How to make it even more beautiful?

"What was that for?!" The shorter boy questioned, fuming. He eyed Tobi suspiciously; following the boy's gloved hand.

A scream passed through pale lips as a kunai was slowly dragged down a pale forehead, through a wide blue eye and down to a narrow chin. The red splattered onto blond, giving a very, very nice tint. He had to be very careful with this; he didn't want all of that gold to be painted with red.

"Shhh… Sempai. I'm making art." Tobi hushed the older male.

"_You bastard! _I'll kill you! I'll kill you, damn it!" Deidara screeched, trying to bring his hand up to his maimed eye, but failing due to it being restraint by Tobi's shin. He thrashed his legs around, trying to knee Tobi in the back, anything to get him off.

There were loud knocks at their door. Tobi glanced up for a second, trying to listen to the voice.

"What in the seven hells are you two doing in there!? Screwing each other?" Hidan complained.

"Deidara's helping me make art!" Tobi replied cheerfully.

Another painful cry erupted from Deidara's throat as Tobi ripped the blonde's left cheek open, once again dying his hair. The blond clawed at the floor helplessly.

"Hidan! Help! Do something!" Deidara pleaded.

Hidan was shocked at the desperation in Deidara's voice. What the hell could Tobi be doing to him?

"What's happening in there?" Kisame asked, approaching Hidan with the other Akatsuki members.

Another blood curdling scream interrupted Hidan from answering.

"Was that Deidara-kun?" Konan asked, concern washing over her face. Hidan nodded.

"I don't have any idea what the fuck they are doing." He glanced at the door, waiting for another scream.

There wasn't one, and they could hear Tobi's giggling. "Aww, Deidara-sempai, don't go to sleep now! You have blood all over you!"

Without waiting another second, Pein kicked the door down.

The newest member smiled at them when he looked up. "Isn't it pretty?" Tobi held up a tangled mass of bloodied blond hair in his hand, completely oblivious to the horrified expressions on his companions' faces.

"I had a little problem with cutting it. I accidentally scratched Deidara's neck." He pointed to the severely deep gash in Deidara's throat. "I'm sure sempai will probably hit me after he wakes up, but I think it was worth it." He patted the limp body in his lap with a joyful grin.

**I KILLED DEIDARA!!!??? Wtf is wrong with me??? Gawd. –cries-**

**Just for hair?? Wow… I'm sick.**

**Poor Tobi, he will be heart broken when he finds out he killed Deidara…**

**I was listening to 'Cloud Nine' for this one.**

**-KK who is sorry for killing off DeiDei.**


	4. Strawberries

This one's a happy one. I'm sorry that I haven't been on lately! Don't kill me!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"The sky is so bright today, sempai! Let's play!"

"I'm busy Tobi, not right now."

"Puh-lease? You need a break. Leader-sama said I should bring you outside today. You've been inside for a whole week!"

Deidara rolled his visible blue eye. "I don't care what he said."

"Come on, please?" Tobi begged.

Deidara sighed. "Fine. You win."

Tobi clapped and grabbed Deidara's slender arm, dragging him away from his clay. The blond quickly took off his scope and placed it on his dresser as he passed by it.

"So what do you want to do?" Deidara asked lazily when they arrived outside.

The orange masked boy looked around for a moment. "How about, we race to that tree, climb it really fast, get to the top, push each other off and eat some ice cream!" He pointed to a giant tree. Hell, if they fell off that, they'd die. "Also, no chakra. If you cheat, you have to wear a pink frilly dress with a tiara, elbow-length gloves and stripy socks. And if you lose, you will have to wear the outfit around and show it off to Itachi."

"How about we edit out the push each other off, okay?" The blond suggested. As he glanced over to Tobi, he saw the raven haired boy bolt off in the direction of the tree.

"Oi! _You're_ the cheater!" The blond called as he started sprinting towards the tree. Once he got to the tree, Tobi was already half way up the tree.

"Fuck, he's fast!" He hissed to himself.

Tobi took a moment to look down and grin. "Thank you, sempai!"

Deidara growled and leapt as far upward as he could without chakra. Clawing at the tree to climb faster, Deidara quickly reached Tobi and bopped him on the head.

"Hey!"

The two raced rapidly up the tree, only to end up having a tie.

"Slow poke!" Deidara laughed.

"It was a tie! I wasn't slow, you were! And we still aren't finished!" Tobi gave a hard push.

"Ack!" The blond flailed his arms in the air, trying to grab onto something as he was falling backwards.

Tobi, not wanting his sempai's head to bust open, grabbed Deidara by the arms and pulled him forward.

"You almost killed me!"

The younger male stuck his fingers in his ears. "Lalalalalala! No I didn't! You're a klutz. Lalalala!"

Deidara grinned slyly. "You're just asking for trouble." He paused. "Now, race you to the ice cream!" The blond literally dived off the tree and landed with a soft thud.

"Hey! You used chakra didn't you!?"

"No one said anything about chakra for this race!"

Tobi smiled blissfully and took a giant leap off the tree. He quickly gained up to the blond, who threw a chair down to cut him off, and laughed.

The two flied through the hideout, all of the members giving them strange glances as they passed. They slid to a halt in front of the freezer, pushing each other with their elbows as they try to grab the ice cream.

"Oi! There isn't any ice cream in here!" Deidara complained as he pulled his hands out from the cold.

"I just bought some yesterday…" Tobi said.

Silence.

"You went shopping?"

"Yeah…"

Deidara opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but his eyes adverted to the table.

"You pig! Stop hogging all the ice cream!" Deidara hollered.

"It isn't very nice to call your superiors names." Itachi mumbled, taking a spoonful of strawberry ice cream and ate it.

"Besides there isn't any left."

Deidara pouted as he glances over to Tobi, who looked happy from what the blond could tell.

"Yay! I finally found the ice cream that Itachi-san likes!" The dark haired boy cheered.

Itachi smirked at the younger Uchiha. "I didn't know you'd find it this fast."

Deidara sighed. Then the two were chatting about ice cream and flavors. He rolled his eyes as he stalked off to the door. He quietly lied down on the grass and dozed off.

For what seemed like two hours, he fluttered his eyes back open to come face-to-face, and not mask, with Tobi.

"Are you hungry?"

"Kinda." The blond admitted.

Tobi, who was sitting cross legged, pulled Deidara's head into his lap, and ignored the blonde's protests. He opened a bag of strawberries and dangled one in front of the boy's mouth. Deidara quietly nibbled on the strawberry.

The boy grabbed another strawberry in a white gloved hand and….

Wait, stop right there. _White_ gloved?

Deidara finally realized that Tobi was indeed, wearing long, white, elbow-length gloves. Not only that, he had a tiara in his disheveled black hair. And he had a black, heavily pink laced dress on with white and pink striped socks. Luckily, he was wearing no shoes.

"Why the hell are you wearing that?"

"It was part of our deal. Ties count as both of us losing."

Wait! That meant…

Oh for the love of Kami…

Deidara was wearing the exact same outfit, though his dress was pink and the lace was black. He smacked his forehead with his gloved hand and sighed.

"May I ask who dressed me?"

"Itachi did of course."

Deidara looked horrified. "WHAT?"

"I'm kidding! I did." He laughed.

The blond calmed down a bit. The two shared a room, so it wasn't _that_ big of a deal.

"Don't ever think about doing that again."

Tobi nodded as he started braiding a few strands of Deidara's hair. The blond grabbed a strawberry and held it up to Tobi's mouth. The younger boy ate the strawberry happily and smiled at Deidara. The blond gave a small smile back and ran his gloved fingers over Tobi's pale lips lightly.

"You shouldn't wear your mask. You should show that stupid face of yours more often."

"You shouldn't wear your scope then. You look really good without it. And you're less threatening too."

Deidara smirked. "Threatening is good."

Tobi pouted. "That's no fun. Everyone will be scared of you."

"So?"

"I think a lot more guys would ask you out if they saw your pretty face."

Deidara flicked Tobi's nose and gave an annoyed growl.

"You're not an animal either, sempai. Stop snarling." He tightly tapped Deidara's nose. Deidara responded by pinching Tobi's ear, and Tobi gave a light tug at the blond hair. The boy whipped himself upright, and got his face close to Tobi's.

"Don't order me around, brat." He tried his best not to smile, but failed.

"Well stop growling." The black haired boy grinned.

"You stop."

"I don't growl! You stop it."

"No you."

"No, you stop!"

Deidara's and Tobi's noses were now touching. Tobi, who finally noticed how close the two were from kissing, started blushing deeply.

"You stop it." He weakly repeated.

Deidara's trademark sly smile reappeared on his fair features. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing…" _You're a little close._

"Are you sure?" _Are you embarrassed?_

Tobi gave the smallest of smiles. "You're just kinda close."

"Is that a problem?" He asked, judgmentally.

"N-no."

"So would you mind if I kissed you?"

"I-I-I d-d-don't know."

"Let's find out." Deidara swiftly kissed Tobi lightly on the lips. The younger boy seemed frozen in his spot until he finally kissed back. His stomach twisted with excitement as the blond smirked into the kiss.

_I wonder if he always tastes like strawberries. _Tobi and Deidara both thought to themselves.

But then, Tobi remembered something.

And, Deidara suddenly found himself on the ground.

"What the hell?"

"What if Leader-sama finds us? We'll be in trouble! What if he beheads us? I like my head!"

Deidara laughed. Tobi stared at him and randomly said:

"It's cold."

"It wouldn't be cold if we weren't in fucking dresses."

The two seemed more at ease as they stood and started walking into the hideout and into the kitchen.

"Woo hoo! Nice dresses you two!" Hidan started laughing. "Hey Deidara, want to do my hair?"

Deidara grabbed a pot from the stove and flung it at Hidan. "Shaddup. Who would touch that disgusting, tangled mop on your head?"

"I'd bet you would. You know how girls just love to fangirl over guys' hair."

"That's it…"

"Please sit down, Deidara-chan." Konan resisted giggling.

"Hell no! And I already ate!"

Itachi gave an evil smirk from his seat. "Yes. I saw those two snuggling up under a tree while Tobi fed him strawberries."

Deidara snarled menacingly as he turned pink.

"Sempai had his head in my lap… that isn't really snuggling…" Tobi piped up.

"Ooooh. You shouldn't be doing something that smutty outside you know. People might just see you." Kisame gave a laugh.

"You're a sick bastard, you know that?" The blond huffed as he stormed out of the kitchen, still bright pink from embarrassment.

Tobi gave a shrug. "So what's for desert? Strawberries?"

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have this obsession with strawberries lately. So YUMMMMM! xDD

Deidara just seems like the type to taste like them, you know?

BTW I like Seme!Deidara more than Seme!Tobi. Y'know?

WEEEEEEEH I was listening to 'Seishunii Janai Katsu' (Tsuyura-san from Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu's image song) while making this.

KK


	5. Destroyed

Rated K (slight swearing)

x

Midnight cookie. How I love thee. I lick my lips in anticipation and slide it into my mouth, savoring the lovely chocolate taste. I always loved my midnight snacks, be it cookies, watermelon or peppers. I always get hungry late at night.

A melancholic melody suddenly reached my pink –it was cold- ears. I listen carefully to the soft voice that floated through the hide out.

_I close my eyes as I walk the thin line_

_Between love and hate_

_For the person with the same blood in his veins._

Is that Deidara? I thought he was sick. Well, sure, it had nothing to do with his throat, but I didn't think a sick person would sing…

Walking over to the hallway, I hear his soft voice get louder. It was nice, though sad, that I can hear his voice like this. The gruffness is gone and replaced with a downhearted, almost lonely tone.

_You show no regrets_

_About all the things you did or said_

_I have failed you_

_But believe me_

_You failed me too_

I sit down quietly and listen. I wish I knew why he is singing such a sad song. It makes me feel upset. Something is bothering him, yet he bottles it up inside.

"Good."

My heart freezes. What? Why is Itachi in there? Is Deidara letting out all of his emotions in front of someone he supposedly despises?

_It's so easy to destroy_

_And condemn_

_The ones you do not understand_

_Do you ever wonder_

_If it's justified?_

A pang of jealousy courses through my veins. It's not fair! Why is he singing for Itachi? I'm his friend! I'm the one who looks up to him, who cares for him! I fucking love him, and he goes out and pours his emotions to that brat, _Itachi?_

Ugh. My head hurts. I just want to go to bed. As I get up, my heart twists with pain… oh… I… what was I doing?

I look around to see Sempai's door open slightly. "Tobi, yeah?" Deidara looks somewhat annoyed, but I can see he is embarrassed. "What are you doing here, un? Go to bed."

I smile at him. He's so funny and cute when he's all flustered. "'Kay, night Sempai! Night Itachi-san!" I get up, only to fall back on my butt. I feel an arm wrap around me and I can see black hair fall around my shoulders.

"I'll help him." Itachi says bluntly before we start walking.

"Fine. Tobi, don't run into walls." I feel happiness rush through me. I know it's his way of saying 'Be careful'.

Without my knowledge, Deidara smiles and quickly departs into his room.

xxxxxxxxx-xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Explanations

1) Deidara (at the end) was happy that Tobi heard him sing. Don't ask, I just thought it was nice.

2) Madara was at the beginning, Tobi at the end. Split personalities RULE. And Madara is _possessive. _Lol

3) Itachi can be a kind, caring person. He just doesn't show it. –in denial-

4) That song is **Destroyed **by **Within Temptation**. Great band. Go look. –shoo's you away-


	6. Break starring Pein

**Rated: T** (I just realized that… well, little kids MAY read these and… well, little kids are known for just thinking that boy/girl relationships are okay. LOL)

BTW: I like Konan, but our narrator has a different opinion.

Pein-centric (WTF isn't this story a DeiTobi drabble? Yes it is.)

**x**

Just before I start this… strange story… I shall introduce myself. I am Pein. Known as Sir Leader or Leader-sama to the rest of the Akatsuki. Except for (the bitch) Konan. What a horrible woman.

Anyway, time to start the story.

It had to be around… three in the morning when they started. After a long day of killing hunter Nin, I was entitled to some sake and a good night's rest. Right? No.

"_**TOBI**__! WHAT THE _**HELL**_ ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED!_" Our girlish (yes, more girlish than Konan) member bellowed.

"My bed was cold sempai! Yours looked warmer!" Why did I hire him again… oh… right. He is the true 'leader'… half the time. More like a quarter of the time, since Madara hasn't surfaced for quite a while now.

"I don't give a damn! Get the _fuck_ out!" A loud yelp, followed by a ground-shaking (I'm not making fun of his weight, he is actually lighter than most of us) thump.

"That wasn't nice!"

"Shut up! Go to your own bed, brat!"

"But sempai…" Oh god, I _loathed_ that whiney voice.

"ARRRGH! GO. TO. BED."

"Ack! No… sorry… sempai! NO!" With an explosion, I was up and flying down the stairs.

Both missing Nins froze, (Tobi was unconscious, actually) when they saw me. "If you two don't stop, I'm going to shred your vocal…" Deidara started laughing at me. I growled warningly, but that didn't stop him from falling off the bed, laughing his ass off.

"Y-your –laugh- your pa –snort- pajamas!" I was confused. I thought my pajamas were quite stylish. I always wore my regular black, button up shirt with matching pants.

I look down to find myself (oh… god. I might cry) not wearing my normal night attire. Bright pink (I'm too horrified to go on…no… no, I must show strength!) full bodied, footie pajamas. They had bunny hands, and a hood (that was up) with bunny ears. Not only that, (the worse part) the flap to the ass was _open._

"_**KONAN**_!" I screeched, running down to Konan's room.

But, enough about me.

After that, embarrassing, encounter, I found out that Madara _had_ surfaced, at the worse time ever, and later, started giving me _looks. _Not normal looks of disappointment, but looks of disgust. (Sorry for having my drink spiked! Konan is a stupid bitch)

Luckily, he switched back to Tobi, and Tobi didn't give me as hard of a time as Deidara did.

But, it seems as though my embarrassment brought the two closer together. I'm not sure of how I feel about having relationships in the organization, but they better not make kissy-face in front of me. Or have noisy sex… (DELETE IMAGE! CLEAR BROWSING HISTORY!)

I now usually see Tobi cling to Deidara's arm (which looks really weird because Tobi is so much taller than Deidara) when they walk outside. He gets an elbow in the ribs, but our blond girl-boy doesn't seem to mind.

Enough about mushy romance. Time for some carnage. Maybe my migraine will lessen.

**x**

A break from flirtatious DeiTobiDei.

A bit of Konan bashing (but I love her)

And some teasing Pein on my part. LOL


	7. Pie is Good For the Hair

**A/N: Maaaaaaaybe I should put both my stories on hiatus, because… well… not too motivated. My… **_**fixation**_** is now on Death Note. Teehee.**

**So yeaaaah. And it has come to my attention that I usually miss Deidara's sounds. So… point it out when I do that, please.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Don't own Superstore.**

**Tobi's state of mind: Madara (childish, y'know?), thus making him older… not that Deidara knows.**

**Oh, and I wanted to say something else.. but I forgot... OH! This is more of a friendship thing. More of a humor thing.. :3**

Grocery Shopping

000000

"Hurry up! We have to catch the train, un!"

"No! Sempaaaaaiiiii! Wait!" Frantic flailing and running.

Chuckling to himself, Deidara climbed up on the train and looked over his shoulder at the man.

"How the _hell_ did you land on your _face_?"

"Tobi tripped."

"Get your ass in here and _don't talk in third person, yeah!_"

"Sorry, sempai."

The two men, clad in villager clothing save for a blinding orange mask and black leather gloves, shuffled to the back of the train and sat down.

"Take that damned thing off, un!"

"Then take your gloves off!"

"You!"

"No y-" A quick smack to the head caused the older to wail.

"Fine…" He stubbornly took off the mask. Long black hair tumbled downwards as the mask was lifted off.

"Now, un, we don't stand…" The blue eyed man looked at the other passengers, who were very bravely staring right at the two.

"Well, fuck you!" He flipped them all off. Some rolled their eyes and some shrunk back, to Deidara's pleasure.

"Tobi thinks…"

"Tobi… what did I say about that, yeah?"

"Okay, Blond-Bimbo, I think we should get lots of candy and coffee. Let's ignore the budget and…." He turned to the gaping Deidara.

"W-what did you call me?"

"Sempai!" Two arms immediately shielded a panicked face, expecting to be hit.

Nothing but silence.

Accepting this, Tobi lowered his arms and stared at his sempai. The blond was currently observing the outside world.

"Deidara-sempai…" He poked said blond in the shoulder a couple times. When all he received was more silence, he turned and looked out his own window.

After two hours, the train came to a halt. Most of the passengers filed out, including the Akatsuki pair.

"Sempai?" He slouched a bit to be at Deidara's level. Unfortunately, he was on Deidara's left side, so he only saw the boy's hair. He moved his hand to lift the hair out of the way, but Deidara's gloved hand smacked his away.

Tobi left it at that.

Once they entered Superstore, the two went towards the bread section. After a couple of failed attempt to get Deidara to even _grunt_ at him, Tobi felt dispirited. He didn't feel like skipping through the store like he had planned.

Once they reached the dairy section, Tobi eyed the eggs. Deidara was busy picking up two percent milk (because skimmed milk tasted like shit) and didn't notice the raven haired man head over to the frozen food section.

Deidara sighed to himself. Too quiet. He'd have to speak to Tobi soon, or he'd snap.

"Seeeeempaaaaaiiii!"

Deciding to acknowledge the man's existence, he turned towards the voice.

_SPLAT!_

"_**TOBI!**_ _I'm going to fucking _KILL _you!_"

"AGH!" Deidara clawed at the blueberry pie in his eyes and immediately jumped Tobi.

"Sempai! OW! OW! OW! That **HURTS**!!"

"Stupid bastard, yeah! You _killed_ my hair!"

"_I'm sorry!_"

"Tobi, you are fucking _dead, un! DEAD!_"

"HEY!"

The Spartan warrior shinobi took the time to look up at the security guard.

"Who the fuck are you? There aren't any security guards at the store!"

"I'll have to ask you two to leave."

"But-"

"_**Now.**_"

"Fine! We don't _need_ your stupid food!"

"Sempai… we kind of…"

"Shut up!" In all of his pie-covered glory, he grabbed the groceries, Tobi and his wallet that just so happened to fall out of his pocket, and ran around the store, grabbing anything and everything he saw.

Tearing out of the store, the two partners in crime ran for their very lives, clinging to random groceries.

Needless to say, once they got home and dumped everything on the floor, they realized they had grabbed useless things.

Toy robots.

Barbie dolls.

Tampons. (And the ones that Konan _didn't_ like)

Condoms. ("You could use those, eh, Pein-sama?" Kisame laughed.)

'Christianity for Dummies.' (Hidan wasn't too pleased with this.)

Gum.

Some guy's wallet.

Two milk jugs.

And some bread.

"Stupid fucks!" Hidan jabbed Deidara in the side, blaming the blond.

"Go back and get the proper groceries!" Pein growled.

Deidara gave a sheepish smile. "Uh… Yeah… about that."

"What?"

"We are… a teensy bit banned from the store… un."

Kisame was glad that he wasn't them.

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**A/N: REVIEW! I'll get Konan to go all PMS on you!**

**Konan: … I was only mentioned once… and I was mention in the brackets…**

**KK: Too bad!**


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